I haven't been here for a long time, haven't written here, haven't written in English. I should have written things more meaningful after this long absence. But, not this time.

Just checked out his facebook, like always... Although I didn't expect him to update anything considering he is so fucking busy right now. It turned out he had new party photos, with girls, with boys, be kissed or kissed somebody else. I know those are just his friends, and he was just having fun. I totally understand he needs those parties to relex. But why I feel bitter? I know everything, I understand him the most, but all I can do is to encourage him which I'm not sure if he needs because he never reply, to not to disturb him, to think things at his place ever, to wait for his call although he didn't have time to call.

This is our difference... I will never post my kissing or hugging photos with some "other" guys even we are just playing around. Although I don't think I will have these photos. Because I know he will feel hurt when he sees those. I only post my beautiful photos because I want to be always perfect in his eyes and I only want to show him my happiness, my smile, my strength. That's why I write this here but not on facebook. He uses facebook a lot. Here, he probably won't check. I feel so terrible and I need to write to let things go out, but I don't want him to see my sadness and tears. But...why I write this in english... I don't know... I just followed my first reaction... confused...

I feel sad anyway although I know he wasn't serious with the other girls. I don't know why... I wish I could hate him, then I can get over him and forget him. Like my friends, they can curse their ex after they broke up for just a few weeks. But me... I can't... Even after all those things happened, everytime I think of us, there are all good memories. Even after so long, I still love him so deeply...

I will also have a tough week by work, but who cares? I'm living on my own, sad but true.

We all have chosen whom to be at the very beginning. The only thing to do is to stick to our faith. There's no way to turn back...